update

Between Whole 30, This documentary, The birthday Photoshoot. Work. Writing my Tiny letters and studying for my exams. I don't even know how I have time for dick appointments.

But I do.

We need to be mindful the prayers we say because God hears us and answers us.
Case in point me praying to God to get Hercules out of my life because I needed to study and then boom. He is gone.

Well kinda gone.

Or when I prayed to God to make me more forgiving then I ran into one of my former home girls who acted so irrationally and the next time I saw her I went over to say hey and she blanked my existence; So only naturally when she came to say hi at the party I saw her at, I laughed in her face and told her to get the fuck out of my sight.

Then I prayed to God for a better chance at forgiveness, and then I ran into someone who I had an immense crush on, but pulled out my chair in primary one and I fell down. So when he came over to introduce himself to me, I forgave him instantly. But not without reminding him first.
He was adult enough to accept that it was probably the sort of thing he'd have done in primary school.
We laughed and I took his number.

If my chi is as good as she has been, he'd probably be better sex that my most recent now gone penis.

Funny story about Hercules, last week we were together, and he got sick. Like sick sick, I called E, who is a doctor at like 5 am because he was running a temperature and shivering and I was panicked. I ended up taking the day off work to look after him till he got better, got on my phone and realized that it was my wedding anniversary- got into a funk and I let him think it was because I spent all my free time looking after him.

I know I am a terrible person.

E messaged me to ask- is this still just sex?

I tell her yassssss.

Hercules sort of understands my coping mechanisms and does not ask for too much while bringing me home cooked meals and consistently providing triple A sex game. He is sweet. But will be madness to even consider him for anything more. He has the emotional range of white and blue dunlop slippers.

Back to the anniversary. I am relieved I can finally start divorce proceedings, because for the life of me, I have been unable to even contemplate actually dating someone with this baggage. Everyone says like it's not a big deal, and maybe it isn't but because I'm wired to wrap up one thing before I start another thing. I am really really pleased.

My French Lover moved back to Bordeaux on Saturday. We were out on Friday and we had drinks, well he and my friends did, I drank water and then he got wasted so I sent him home. The next day we had tea at some art gallery and it was very bitter sweet, not the tea, us hanging out.
 He told me about his ex girlfriend who wanted to quit her job and move to be with him in Nigeria and he broke up with her because he didn't like her that much. I shrugged, so he asked me about ex boyfriends.
I told him I do not have exes as I do not date much.
Really?
Yes Really.

We wrap up tea, he takes lots of photos of me, I should have offered to drive him to the airport, but honestly, I couldn't be bothered to spend any more time with him.


A lot of people have started asking if I will consider dating one person exclusively again. I tell them I have no idea. I'm not very impressed with the men I've come across.
Not saying they aren't good. They just are not good enough FOR ME.


Honestly.
If anyone meets men, It's me. my friends can not believe how often I meet them and how much sex I have. But the catch is that, I barely like these men. I know I really should give them a chance to disappoint me first before I write them off completely but abeg. Better the end of a matter, especially when you can already see the end.

On Sunday I finally get around to writing down the 2019 life I want. And for the first time in a long time I allow myself to consider the possibility of  actually getting married again.  And I did not realize this until I referred to my marriage to Eros as my first marriage. Hercules pointed it out to me.

Anyway so I write down what I want and I also include qualities I'd like in a partner. At the top of that list is American passport. The second item is filthy rich.
whatever I already married for love once before.

I dress up and attend my friends wedding on Sunday evening and it is so nice to see everyone  I haven't seen in ages.
And I meet a boy who gives me flowers.
Usually when I meet men I ALREADY KNOW. what I plan to do with them.
Like I can assess if this is a No go for me. if this is a yes to sex situation. But I am never ever feeling like a lets see how it goes. Or willing to go with the flow. ( because only dead fish go with the flow); and also because at almost 30, it'd be madness to go want to see how things go.


Anyway I feel very lets see how it goes about the boy.
I also haven't replied any of his messages.

Today, I got asked out on a date by a writer, who I think will kill to fuck me. But doesn't realize that I'm not being long, I'm just uninterested in all that power play. So I rescheduled till 4 weeks later. He seemed confused. A month? I tell him I'm worth the wait.


My birthday documentary is coming along pretty well. I'm shooting everything on Sunday; the photos and the interviews as well. I'm pretty excited about how that is going to turn out. I have looked forward to 30 for so long its finally here and I might have a bout of destination blues. I mean these damn exams are not allowing me flourish tbh.

Speaking of exams, they are literally a month away and I'm feeling pretty good about them.
I'd be on vacation in January when the results come out anyway so fingers crossed I'd be celebrating for real for real then.

I am at a sweet spot life wise, and I don't know if I should stay where I'm at or get up and go. But go where?

Hmnn.

Looking forward to my holiday in December because I have earned it. Been in Lagos ALL YEAR.