For the longest time i have deserted God. Yes i have not prayed in the last 3 months. Mainly because i felt myself to busy and quite frankly still mad. But the last three days have shown me that God owes me nothing, this humbled me profoundly. And today yes i shall pray, and Read my bible. I know how hard it will be, but i will do it and since God isn't human i know there will be no sneering welcome back greetings, just a warm welcome back, and a 'please don't stray away it hard when you are gone message'. I love that about the God i serve. And I'm truly grateful for another chance to serve. And since i shall begin attending church on Sunday, i look forward to the walk with Jesus. yes i do.
#nowplaying Again. Donnie McClurkin
HRS.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
the 21st that never will be.
Ive always bee n told how lucky i am that i have my whole life planned out for me. how grateful i should be that i have every thing i i have. how appreciative i should be off the men in my life.
But at the same time i think to myself when ever im faced with such a lecture ' is it bad o want more?' and when i voiced out that thought to a couple of close friends, lets just say i felt very ungrateful.
i skipped a week of lounging last week to study, needless to say, i did not study. well not as much as i expected. and in my mind, i let my mummy down. Yes im a mummy's girl and im proud.
but getting back. Every1 dreams of a splendid 21st. me inclusive. although the plans i made, got cancelled.(not my fault) i still always just hoped something would come up. Well something did, and it wasnt what i expected. and i do not wish this on anybody. ICAN. yes ICAN showed up and ruined the supposedly best summer of my life. Somehow it also managed to get involved with the Government and coincide with NYSC, leaving my birthday basically as a day of well.. nothing. and so as i blog tonight(simply because if i do this in my journal i will cry) i know Novemebr 2nd is going to be a blur.The most upsetting part is that i already know and can do nothing about it.
On the upside im shaping my future and whatnot. Truth be told, i really do not know what i want to do. but what ever it is, im hoping my sacrifice of my 21st would aid it in ways i would look back and thank God i made that sacrifice.
Till then i slave over my books.
But at the same time i think to myself when ever im faced with such a lecture ' is it bad o want more?' and when i voiced out that thought to a couple of close friends, lets just say i felt very ungrateful.
i skipped a week of lounging last week to study, needless to say, i did not study. well not as much as i expected. and in my mind, i let my mummy down. Yes im a mummy's girl and im proud.
but getting back. Every1 dreams of a splendid 21st. me inclusive. although the plans i made, got cancelled.(not my fault) i still always just hoped something would come up. Well something did, and it wasnt what i expected. and i do not wish this on anybody. ICAN. yes ICAN showed up and ruined the supposedly best summer of my life. Somehow it also managed to get involved with the Government and coincide with NYSC, leaving my birthday basically as a day of well.. nothing. and so as i blog tonight(simply because if i do this in my journal i will cry) i know Novemebr 2nd is going to be a blur.The most upsetting part is that i already know and can do nothing about it.
On the upside im shaping my future and whatnot. Truth be told, i really do not know what i want to do. but what ever it is, im hoping my sacrifice of my 21st would aid it in ways i would look back and thank God i made that sacrifice.
Till then i slave over my books.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
to blog or not to blog
there are very few people who have influence on my actions. ok scratch that there are very few people who i allow have influence on my actions. reasons being that i really do not know what thier intentions are towards me.
anyways i feel sick this weekend and received not one condolence visit. yes no phonecalls no messages. no nothing. and as i was lamenting to my friend she broke i down to me. she simply said, they boys think your preggers and they do not want 2 be the baby daddy. ok. very nicely said. at this point i was doing a mental audit of my friends. and then i realised im the pillar one whom every1 runs to when they want/ need some1. and i also realised that i have no one to be a pillar for me. except my mummy. whateva the case armed with this new realisations of mine, im going to put myself first, despite how anyone else see's it and if they do not like it.*sigh* they should take it up with Jesus. and after all that's been said and done i think im actually beginning to fall sleepy.
hopefully i'll remeber my blogspot password and blog more often.
HRS.
anyways i feel sick this weekend and received not one condolence visit. yes no phonecalls no messages. no nothing. and as i was lamenting to my friend she broke i down to me. she simply said, they boys think your preggers and they do not want 2 be the baby daddy. ok. very nicely said. at this point i was doing a mental audit of my friends. and then i realised im the pillar one whom every1 runs to when they want/ need some1. and i also realised that i have no one to be a pillar for me. except my mummy. whateva the case armed with this new realisations of mine, im going to put myself first, despite how anyone else see's it and if they do not like it.*sigh* they should take it up with Jesus. and after all that's been said and done i think im actually beginning to fall sleepy.
hopefully i'll remeber my blogspot password and blog more often.
HRS.
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