Urgh

You ever feel like you might have bitten off more than you can chew?

I love learning, I hate not knowing.

I decided early this year to write professional exams to faciliate my move into a new career path.

this meant two things- Bye bye to baby girl living

Spending all my savings on this exam

All my free time spent studying and taking classes

and the best one- learning from scratch because you decided to chart a new course in your life.

And I am overwhelmed.

Fully

But I know how uncomfortable my life currently is and how much better it can be if I moved houses at least over the weekend so I'm not struggling/dying in traffic daily when I use that time to be studying.

Anyway what this means is that I may have to move houses.

But I've used rent money to write the exams.

At the risk of sounding like a whiner.

I'm tayadddd.

But at the same time excited in class.

It's the strangest thing really.

People keep asking why do you want to do this and what if you don't like it.

LOL at this point I have two PHD's in starting over.

That's what I will do. start over if I hate it.
The end.

For now, send me prayers.

Coincidence

So.

on Sunday night I was scrolling through twitter when I saw a writer asking people to please buy his book.
so I go on kindle read a sample, I like it and I hadn't really read any gay chick lit.
so I bought it.

and didn't get any debit alerts on any of my bank cards.
I'm like hmmn will check this out.

I finish the book and decide to use my laptop to look through some more titles in the same vein, to see the ones to buy.

I see a few.
I buy one, it gets delivered to my kindle instantly but I get no debit alerts.

Strange.

I check the payment tab on my amazon account.
Turns out Eros's card is still linked to my amazon account.

I buy books until I get an email from amazon talking about there is an issue on my last order regarding my payment method aka. insufficient funds.

Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous. Idc idc.

So I'm telling my friend and she is like wow- you are wild. what if he finds out?
me: How is he going to find out?
her: You bought books- that's how he is going to find out.
me: shrugs.

I don't care tbh.

also how apt that valentines day is on ash Wednesday?

Exceprts

"I enjoy you"

You'll get tired of me soon. I should ration myself  so I can seem more interesting for longer.

You worry about the wrong things.

Crush

I think I have a new shiny crush.

Don't send help.

Dear men

who are trying to sleep with me.

Please don't tell me you will get me the job of my dreams.

My career is super important to me.

Just offer me cash like the rest of your mates so I can tell you no.

Thanks.

Ramble Bramble

I woke up to a 3am message from someone I randomly used to talk to.

and I think I'm honestly giving up men in 2018.

Like all of you should just go with your wahala. \ALL\

It was not a bad message per say but actually Its a message I'd never send.
Like I sent it to my friend and she's like this is so sweet, I'm like- y'all are mad.

I had a cocktail at the house called the bramble and it was really good- If any of you Lagos people are looking for where to go and eat- The house is a good spot.

Spent the last two days battling cramps and my God I need to clean up my diet. I spent the last month eating like a piglet and drinking like a fish. my uterus was not pleased. A week into my period felt slightly discomforting but the day I got my period I couldn't sit upright. I had to take a drug that is not FDA approved.

couple this with the fact that I managed to jam my boobs with my car door. ( don't even ask).

Went to the hospital and the doctor looks at my boobs and is like-  When was your last period?
Me: Huh?
Him: I need to know that you aren't pregnant before I prescribe a drug for you.

Anyway I feel better now, thank you for asking.

I feel like my male friends are so invested in my dating life. it's the strangest thing.

I mean thanks guys but at the same time- LOL.

Also just read the wait. I feel like I should apply that to my job search and my career.
seeing as I am celibate anyway. ( and this is not as a result of lack of options)

I'm really tired of being the person who is a femme fatale. Actually I'm not.
I just hate all the men who on my radar.
so I'm throwing the whole thing away.

Nigerian Man

I had dinner with T and D and D's niece and Temi.

As usual T and his party was late

we were the last party to leave the restaurant and while we waited for D to get out of the bathroom,

T turns to me and says

"You are a Nigerian Man and there is no redemption for you"

I find that when people describe you as masculine as a female when it has nothing to do with your looks ( a la serena) it really just means that you are breaking out of the box they put you in.

I am as assertive as they come and I do not back down ever.

Now because I'm female I'm expected to be demure but I have decided to just go out and grab all the lives I can live with both hands.

Only men take. women are expected to be given and be grateful that they receive- never mind that it's not what you want.

As someone who has decided to live a full life. read as many books. research the back story of the break out star in the movie I totally adore ( #TheGreatestShowMan). possibly embrace cougar life (LOL).  I find that people are encouraged. Inspired.

There is a lot of if you can so can I vibes. I love it.

And I'm thankful that T thinks I'm a Nigerian man, because I interpret that to mean that I'm living life on my terms.

You know the way Nigerian men do.

but I have emotional intelligence to know that I should not be an asshole.

Also the food at Craft is good. I had such a wonderful time last night