This is not an attempt to justify my past actions. Neither is it an attempt to justify the 'I'm tired' line of Dumping you. This is an explanation of why I or rather my nice growing club of heart breakers act the way we do.
Rewind to when we first met. How funny and cute we were? How it was that u had ur own before I came along. And how I Complimented you, instead of completing you? Do u remember? How cool it was that we both lived our lives. Entwined but still independent?
Exactly!
Fast forward to now. Every conversation is a where are we going? Or what do we name the kids? Or where are we gonna live? Where did the vibrant being I fell in love with dissapear to? Where? Who is this spinless being? That clings so close it draws my bllod like a leech? No I want my being back. And yes I feel slight to. U made promisesa never to change expressely and implied everytime I complimented you and u thanked me.
And what's all this talk about me taking your happiness? If I took it. It never really was urs. Truth be told only U can make U happy. Me I'm just a catalyst in the whole experiment. U may seem happier with me. But it really isn't.
And what of my own happiness. That I feel trapped in a r/ship going no where. At least not ur destination. And I decide not to lead u on.. Yet I'm cruel? And a heart breaker. The truth is simple what u want I cannot give and yes sex was great last night but I respect you more than a 20min sex session.. I knoe ur dreams mean more than an orgarsm.
And I respect that so much that I decide to step back and let u find ur self?
If this considerate acts of mine make me a killer. Them maybe this special hell isn't too bad at all.
I believe happiness and contentment come from within and notfrom who you are with at a particular time. Maybe just maybe after so many tries u may have realised this.
That being said.
About last night. It dint go as expected there were no swear words no cursing. NOTHING.
And I thought that hurt. I chose to be considerate and tell u your face that we can't be more that friends and u say NOTHING!
Ok cool.
But just so he knows.. I wish he had insisted to play with my hair. Or pulled me in for a hug or something. Instead of just staring at me like we both didn't know how this was going to end. I'm sorry for all d conflicting messages I sent you. I'm sorry I couldn't give u what u wanted. And most importantly I'm sorry for living up to my Reputation of a heartbbreaker.
If u insist I was scared u didn't do a good enuf job of reassuring me. For that alone u should take some of d blame. I mean if I could convince u to give me ur heart why couldn't you do the same for me.
I really wish you nothing but happiness. But realise it may have been my inadequacies to meet the dreams u dreamt so soundly that caused me to walk away.
At the end of the day I hope u see how much I cared for u to walk away.
And even if I never remain friendly with my past involvments Then for u I'd make an exception.
HRS.
Heartbreaker BoyfriendTaker Troublemaker.
#np always remember me- Noisettes
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