Vanity Doc

So for the big 30. I'm getting a documentary made.

Its a very very big vanity project but its something I'm looking forward to.

while speaking to the person who will shoot and direct it, we spoke about themes and people who I'd want to interview and all that and I asked casually " do you think I should ask my ex husband to send in a clip?"

and he was like- Do you people speak?
and I'm like - lol nah, but he is someone who was in my life for 10 years.
it'd be odd to do a whole ass doc and just erase him.
and he said to me: You have to simplify your life.

And I'm like cool.

I mean if Eros asked me, I'd be like FUCK NO. But what is so strange is that someone who has been such a huge chunk of your life just vanishes. It's weird.

I mean I have other love interests that have morphed into friends that are going to either send in clips or be in the vide, but I am pretty excited about it.

Like I am looking forward to working on this project. Picking out the accompanying music; just getting the questions I will have the contributors answer, the friends I am going to ask to speak.

The tears I'm going to cry just watching it when it's done.

I am not looking forward to how much it will cost sha.

but I'm excited can you tell?

I have visions of an opening montage of me at my first birthday and zoom to my 10th and so on and just random casual videos of us dancing in the club and having a blassst.
I can not wait.

Also if you have random candid videos of you and I send them to me.

they just might make the cut.

Gold

I met this french boy on Bastille day in Lagos and we planned to meet up the next day during the day but that turned into a night thing.

While we were out, he was asking " getting to know you questions" and I was like
" are you trying to fuck me? or get to know me?, because I'm confused".

and he responded

"L'un n'empeche pas l'autre".

This loosely translates to " one does not prevent the other".

Fast forward to last week, I spent some time at his in his place and he asked me if he could call me Or.

I was like nope.

And he said, but in french it means Gold.

And I'm like that's sweet BUT, it's still not my name.

Oyibo people are interesting but I make sure he calls me by my full name abeg. 

No power

Also people keep asking me what the deal is with us and  I'm like "lets ignore the fact that he is coming to see me this weekend and I'm going back to see him and we are attending a wedding together and call it a fling".

Ps: I also managed to get me an Indian toaster.

So you can call me united nations. I won't be mad at all.

Alexa, play bad habits by Maxwell

And as I got dressed for work this morning, I looked at my sex partner (who we are going to refer to as  Hercules from now by the way because it seems like he is here to stayyyy)  and said

you are not good for me. I have to cancel you.

He looked at me and said same. then made a big X sign with his hands in the air.

followed by, so see you later tonight?

Me: Yeah I'll let you know.

Anywaayyyyy I did the adult thing and had a conversation explaining and setting out my terms of relations with Hercules and he accepted.  which really was that I am not interested in doing any heavy emotional lifting but I am available for casual sex and will be willing to do a minimum of TWO group hangouts with him a month( he seems obsessed with carting me around town), not my cup of tea to be honest. but it was a compromise I was willing to make.

I also mentioned that I would be unavailable for the next few months because I have exams I need to read for. so our sessions will be limited.

Last term was that I do not need him being crazy when he see's me with other men out because you knowwwww, ya girl is single. he agreed. Sorta. (said his friends were off limits)
Which is interesting because I've been on two dates with one of these off limit friends. ( I know I know, but in my defense I gave my word to my friend before I agreed to the terms!)

Beloved, we had been having an unreal amount of glorious sex, THEN I had a crazy experience with him which spooked me for a hot minute and then its back to ignoring his messages and  fucking in restaurant bathrooms.

Smh.

I know. Smh.

Anyway that aside, my friend said she hated that I wasn't dating.
I looked at her like- WHAT? I have no free nights. I'm always out on dates.
she said" with men you know you'd never seriously consider"
me: Like they are dead on arrival?
her: exactly.

to be honest. I haven't even considered seriously dating. Like It's not even something that is on my mind at the moment.

So its strange how everyone keeps talking about how I need to be serious with it.
Ps: ALL the people who tell me this are single.

I am happy with where my non existent dating life is. because there is no shortage of men.
Which is terrible because you'd assume that because everyone complains. there are no men.
Beloved. there are men.

the quality of sex is what I can not vouch for.

I am thinking of picking up a sport. I have been thinking of squash. The friend of Hercules invited me to come watch him play on sunday in apapa club. And I'm like hmnnn.

Last time I went to watch anyone play a sport was sugar baby and soccer.
So you know, I said we'll see.

or Maybe running, but this one that they have started seeing snakes in my estate, that is out of the question.

Its august and I'm kinda pleased with how my life is currently panning out.

Kinda. 

Hercules

You guys know I was screaming at the top of my lungs about this popping sex I was having.

and you know if I was telling you, I was telling everybody who cared to listen.

So my homeboy who was outta town called me for a work favor.

I take the opportunity to casually mention, that you know, me and sex boy are done.

This idiot says to me:

Look, your people management skills are poor. infact they are terribly non existent. 

How can you be having the best sex of your life and you can't manage to keep him around?

Me: err

Him: It's a shame I was looking forward to meeting Mr Hercules Penis.

Me: You are a goat, and I'm gonna block you.

Update

Third and probably final installation of my little sexcapade.


I felt my partner might have been getting a bit too involved and I had to remind him that I was not in the market for anything more than what we had.

I do not think he took it well.

Actually he didn't because we said we should cancel our hook up session after he tried to bait me into having a fight about nothing.


And I said okay.

so why has my darling been calling me, round the clock? and messaging me? and sending me voice notes?

I think he is surprised I am ignoring them.
but to be fair.
All I want is good sex with minimal emotional labor.

the reason I had to remind him that we were not anything concrete was that he had spent friday night dragging me around Lagos and I kinda wasn't interested.

Oh ALSO, one of his friends invited me and him as a Unit - Unit because the word couple gives me hives- to dinner at his house. And that really freaked me out.

Because ya girl is not emotionally mature enough to know how to be friends with the men she has causal sexual relations with.

So I might have panicked.

I mean I knew this whole thing was going to end, I just didn't think it'd end with him trying to literally finesse me into ship of sorts.

Also I just realized how difficult it is to get a reaction out of me, these days.
Like I was uninterested.
Me 3 years ago would have written an essay trying to convey, poorly mind you, how and why I hate certain actions.
But now, I'm just like "Okay".

In the words of Kanye west, you can either leave or live with it.
There is no need for non stop deliberation on issues that will never change.

That being said.
I will miss having such delicious sex.

Like hayyyy.
My vagina is heart broken.

Ice ice baby

Do I come across as cold?
I mean I figure a good number of my readers have followed me for donkey years and they'd know if I was a cold person or nah?

So since all good things come to an end or at least get a break; I got my period over the weekend putting paid to all the delicious sex I have been having.
Now since I am an idiot, and not very adulty I kept avoiding my sexual partner, because casual period sex for me- issa no no.

Anyway after insistent messaging, I gave in and decided to see him after my day.

And since there was no sex to be had, we had to have conversation.
And so I mentioned that I had been married before and I have an ex husband and I am technically still married because my divorce isn't concluded yet.

And he was like oh. Is that why you are cold?

I'm like excuse you??!

Anyway I rolled my eyes and he starts to explain about how sometimes we might be talking on the phone and I abruptly get off the phone. Or how I shut down conversation regarding myself, and how I'm always so tight lipped.

And so I asked,  " does this Ice seep into the sex?"
He said no
and I said, we are done here.

If the sex is warm what are you worried about?

Also is it rude to tell someone who might possible like you, and who you do not like much but enjoy having sex with them that, you just wanna have sex with them indefinitely?

Because beloved, I'd hate to loose all this prime sexing over a little imagined ice.

PS: I had someone coming from America and instead of ordering sanitary towels like I usually do, I ordered 4 dozen condoms.
If I am not finished, I have no idea what I am.
*whispers under breath* I am not finished in Jesus name

Lets talk about sex baybee

So guys.

I have been having the most delicious sex of my life.

With the absolute worst person I can even ever imagine.

Like if this is not a catch 22. I do not know what it is,

You know when something is clearly bad for you but is so good so you are just like yah- fuck it?

Exactment.

I was telling my friend that this sex is the single  most delicious sin that Jesus Christ died for.


Now this presents two problems for me.

1-I think my boy is already catching the feelings and
2- I did not think this my clandestine hotel popping behavior through properly.

and your girl is unwilling to actually go to his house because- eek.
Actually since I gave up men and the concept of relationships; I stopped going to men's houses.

And I think I am about to break that.

Don't have sex outside marriage kids.  It will ruin you.

But in a good way because when you get into childs pose at yoga, you feel a twinge in your innner thigh and you smile.

Also, I'm not a huge kisser.  This stems from ( nvm will talk about that later). but I have def not been a big saliva swapper, especially casually.

But beloved. being kissed all over every where has never felt this good.
and how is it at almost 30, that I figure I might have been kissing all wrong?

The kisses are like learning a new language in  first person real time, only me only now. everything ceases to exist.

Beloved. this is the sex that the M&B authors speak off. The sex is seamless. The banter is LIT. There is such comfort that I'm like OMG OMG OMG.

And this is an unreasonable amount of sex, I only just realized this when I looked through my dwindling stash of condoms, that I'm running up some serious mileage on my vagina.

Anyway I realized that this might be a problem for me when I found myself driving down to my house at 5:20am without underwear from an impromptu sex session.

But this is a problem I welcome with open arms.

I was talking to my friend about it and he said, you have sex with someone three times in one week sis you are in a relationship.

Me: Yes with his penis.

Now back to the person who I am having this glorious sex with.

He is physically, not my type. I do not have a type, but if I did it won't be him.
Conventionally he is unattractive and lives a very alte lifestyle that doesn't really agree with me.
And he has these weird ass friends, that he keeps trying to get me to hang out with in the strangest places.
And quite frankly- I can't stand him.

None the less, the energy between our bodies might be visible to even the most un-discerning because, I was leaving the club on Saturday night with someone else AND he stopped by to hug me.  Someone pulled me aside and said : I hope you aren't fucking that guy.

And I lied.

I think that was the first time I realized that maybe this thing might be stressful.
Like why did I lie?

I mean, I'm single, I'm allowed to be sleeping with who ever I want and here I am having the most delicious sex and i'm lying about it.

And I have been thinking about why I lied, and I'm coming up blank.

Ps: I met someone who might just be a thing.
pss: not the sex boy
psss: How can I bottle this delicious sex and make it last so perfectly?
pssss: I realise that It might seem like I am exaggerating, but beloved, I do not even have the worlds to accurately describe the perfection that these sessions are.
psssss: It gets better. the sex. every time is better than the last. It makes no sense.