Half year review- But it's really 5 months

Ah June is already here and honestly this year could not be any stranger if it tried, that being said, the earth keeps spinning, white policemen continue to kill unarmed black men in America and Hercules continues to be a much better cook than me.

Without much a do, lets get into it.

On relationships

This year I really wanted to get fundamental relationships i.e my female friendships in my life sorted. I have spent a good portion of my life being there for people, and helping them so I had hoped that if the need arose, I'd be comfortable enough to ask the people in my life for help.
I don't know if it is corona, or that people are just who they are but I have been unable to find the depth of satisfaction I am seeking in friendships. I guess everyone is a little preoccupied.

On doing difficult things that I had struggled with.
One of the things I realllllly wanted to do this year was build a reliant relationship with God starting with studying his word. It is with great pleasure and some pride( I'm not gonna lie) that I announce to you my 6 week, 42 day streak on the bible app. All the Glory goes to Jesus because I had started a first streak and 9 days in I lost it. And I am not ashamed to say that I considered  turning back the clock to get the back, but I was like- whats the point? I missed a day but God is ever present, so we move. And here we are at 42 days. When I get to 50. I'm writing a separate post and dedicating it to God.

Another difficult thing I ( not struggled per say) wanted to do was build a work out routine into my lifestyle.
I have not really had the need to lose weight for aesthetic purposes because thankfully my body type is in vogue with the flavor of the Szn. Naomi WHO?
But for the longest time I'd always wanted to be able to do 25 push ups. Now the best part of this is that if I had to get ready for a vacation- IN TWO WEEKS/ my body snaps into perfect formation and honestly by the 3rd week of working out I'm looking like I eat iron for dinner.Thankful to this body for letting me pepper my IG feed with bikini photos without having to suck belle.
That being said- still haven't built a work out routine. Must find something I enjoy.
I had tried to keep up with my trainer, but I really draw the line at Zoom work out sessions.

The last difficult thing, was share some family responsibility with my siblings. I felt and I continue to feel like I do a lot of the heavy lifting house wise and honestly- it sucks. I don't mind it but it's unfair.
I had been doing a lot of secretariat services for my mother since we both home bound, but during the week I nipped out to see Hercules. So tell me why at 2 AM on sunday my mother texted me that she was going to look for a business center to type a speech because I wasn't home.
So I asked, ask my brother, and she said he told her he was going out.
I didn't bother to ask her to ask my sister, because in Nigeria having a husband excludes you from mundane family tasks.
Very well I waltzed into the whatsapp group and LIT EVERYBODY'S ASS UP. And let me tell you, it felt GREAT.
My mother ignored all the messages while my brother protested that he had been working since. I told them IDGAF, I don't want my mother asking me about business centers if they have access to her. Her husband ended up typing it for her. and I didn't bother to even ask anyone anything.


On Money

Tbh, If I knew I could survive on so little cash, I'd have been more willing to quit my job and travel the world when I was 25.I have not saved as much as I targeted, HOWEVER- I am not broke even though I haven't gone to work all year. I was going to say I haven't worked- but all the secretariat work I've done for my mother this year has me contemplating putting EA on my CV.  Adjacent to this money talk, turns out I have way too many clothes. I don't know who the fuck I thought I was buying clothes for EVERY SINGLE FUNCTION I ATTENDED LAST YEAR.
And to think I had a clothing budget. This year it's Zero. I do not need new clothes AT ALL. However I really should consider beginning to earn income that is not from investment. If anyone wants to Hire me. shoot me an email

On Career.

I'm thankful for the break in transmission because -what the fuck are those hours anyway?
And what better way to explain a 6 month break in your career than Corona?
That being said my two top choices for a job want to hire me but have a global freeze on recruitment.
And even though I feel like I should be doing something with some degree of urgency with my free time. All I can do is read, run my book club, wait hand and foot on my mum and speaking lovingly to my plant. That being said in all the downtime, I finally figured out what I want to do career wise, and because the universe is gracious, I found the exact role. Honestly it's a perfect fit for me.Fingers crossed for corona to go because I have no idea how a virtual on-boarding is going to work.

On Happiness

I think driving in Lagos puts so much tension in my body that I can not believe how tightly wound up I am when I get home. In the last 3 months I have driven maybe 6 times and the last two times have had me like- are lagosians okay like this? Anyway when I'm not driving I am happy.I do not think I have had this little anxiety in my life. Also I took a break from men- dating them, fucking them and entertaining them frequently- so I'm sure that contributed to the rise in my happiness level. Showing up for myself consistently has definitely contributed to me being happier than usual. I am so happy that I haven't even leaned on retail therapy. And that's a big deal because I'm always buying something.

On Listening to my body

Not just physically but mentally as well. All this quiet has really shown me my self. The growth I have experienced and continue to experience and tangible evidence of that growth. The compassion I show myself when I act irresponsibly or I go against my body and how quickly I am to self sooth. One of the most fascinating things is the ease with which I exit conversations that I have no business being in. See this alignment of self with body is something I think many people should strive for. And because I know when I am acting out of turn, I am quick to apologize and align my actions with the person I am aiming to be. Also this is me acknowledging that oil-cleansing is not for me and I need to hang it up and stop clogging my damn pores. I've attempted to punish my skin and inexplicably myself by over exfoliating post oil clogging. As with the number of my men in my life, my skin flourishes under the maxim that less is more. Since most of my products finished my skin has really been on its best behavior, except when I drench it in oil and clog my pores.

In line with listening to my body, I miss my facial girl and my massage therapist.


On Knowing myself

I set out to really hone in on the intentional practice of predictability this year. I wanted the people in my life to know and state beyond the regular cant vouch for anybody, that in certain situations, my actions would be consistent with their expectations because of the person that I am. And I want the record to state that it is I, who makes up the people in my life. I wanted to - barring never say never- categorically say this is who I am in XYZ situation and my stance is unwavering. I am making very certain progress.Which is why when I was expressing surprise at the swiftness with which a mutual friend was leaping into a relationship with my friend, her off hand remark of "Oh you are still so Jaded" took me by surprise. I asked myself, Are you a jaded babe? I came up with a resounding no.
and kept it moving. Last year I might have attempted to explain why I said what I said, but this year Jesus has died for me and that is enough for me. We are not debating things about myself with non factors.


In Conclusion

I know it seems like I set out to do A LOT of personal work this year. I did. and honestly asides my inability to write as often as I'd like, or keep up with my travel blog as consistently as I'd like, I'm taking my wins where I find them. For the inconsistency with my travel blog, I hail myself on the consistency I show in running my book club. For how quickly I lose my temper over the most inane thing, I clap at how willing I am to apologize and make up for cutting remarks. When I am uncharacteristically short with a sibling, I applaud the efforts I make in stretching myself working to assist the other sibling. I guess this year I am really striving for balance. not perfection.

As always in the other 7 months of this year I want to take my piano lessons seriously. And build a work out routine, and stop putting oil on my face. And write consistently. And define what consistently means. ( it means two travel posts and one tiny letter per month- I have so much to sayyyyy)

Tomorrow is a HUGE day for my family. I have planned my mother and sisters wedding and the anticipation for tomorrow is bigger than both combined.
Tomorrow June 2nd 2020, my mother becomes the president of ICAN. *cue champagne popping*
Honestly so so so so so proud of her. I really really really like when people get what they have worked so hard to attain.
This might also be the reason why I am unwilling to work as hard on certain ventures- BECAUSE ITS SUCH BLOODY HARD WORK. and just having front row to how hard the work is, makes you really wonder- Do I want it bad enough.

And for me, most times the answer is no, but when its Yes, nothing in my path survives. hash tag indaboski?

That being said, I should have done my nails instead of lying in bed all day reading.Maybe I'll do some Yoga.