January

This month has been an emotional roller-coaster.

And I can't even be mad because it's been full of really high highs. and really low lows.

I passed my exams. Highest High
I buried a friend- Bottom of the rung low.
I had a 30th birthday party- high
I found out that someone who I had considered my friend assumed I was envious of her and wanted to ruin her happiness- dissappointed.

Had a client threatening litigation and one of my solutions at work developed a glitch during payroll week.

So I spent all week trouble shooting- urgh.

I decided this year while in morocco to go ahead and file for a divorce from Eros.

I mean we were always going to get divorced, he had reached out to me to discuss it before  his girlfriend reach out to me. So I kind of assumed there was some urgency and I got on board.

when the time frame for the divorce application finally arrived ( long story but when you get married, you have to wait 2 years post separation and before you can file); I did not hear pim from him or his lawyers.

So I met with the managing partner of the law firm he told me was representing him and lo and behold, he hadn't given them a brief or even paid.

color me surprised.

anyway I message him repeatedly and he doesn't respond.

So I decided to go ahead and petition him. I was going to wait till he came around and I really feel like I've earned it because It's only fair that he bears the cost.  Anyway I'm meeting with a lawyer about it tomorrow.- pretty excited.

I'm taking a few days off next week to go and clear my head because of the heaviness of january.

Like I'm used to struggle but It's usually even keeled. So if I'm in one phase I'm in that phase ooooo. till the end.

But this goood news today bad news tomorrow. its a lot for me to handle. which is why I'm going away.

went by the hair dressers to get  my hair washed and she decided that I had good hair cut off my relaxed its and was like- yah you are natural now.

I'm slightly confused because I have no idea what that entails and I quite frankly have no idea how I ended up here.

My sugar baby was raised in a church that eschewed make up, hair extentions etc etc, so he is in support of this. I find it mildly amusing.

I had dinner with my friends Debo and Uloh on tuesday and Debo said I should go to therapy because I said I was not interested in dating someone who lived on the mainland.

TBH I can barely get myself to work which pays me and is on the island- how much more commitment on the mainland? Also said boy told me he didn't own a fridge.

You are 33 and you don't own a fridge? I asked him incredulously.
yeah he shrugged non noncommittally.

The week I found out my friend died. I went by my sugar baby's to get cuddled up because I did not want to be alone. and before I feel asleep he was singing labrinth's jealous. - He does that all the time.

He also is kinda going through a rough patch at the moment so when he text me to swing by I happily obliged.

and now I've had the song on repeat.
He- is in london for work and I have missed him terribly this weekend.
and also I'm wondering if he'd be so kind of bring me back macaroons.

I had the most intense sugar craving since the beginning of the week.

I'm struggling to map out what I want to do in 2019. I mean I know I have my exams. BuT I can't see anything else.
I hoping my retreat lets me get  some clarity to at least draw up financial goals.

Ps: I want to go to brazil next month but this one I haven't drawn up any thing or budget or make any plans or nothing. I Just tire for me.

Tickets are roughly $1k and I'm like urm. I need to find a way to make more money or I need to find a sugar daddy.

Today

Today is strange

I am currently at my desk typing this.

But I have been to the cemetery this morning.
I have watched a coffin that contained a friend into the ground while I raised my voice and sang Amazing grace with the the 20 other people  who came. Wearing t shirts with her face on them.

And let me tell you, there is a finality that hits you when you see someone being lowered into the ground.

I do not process grief like most people so this is particularly difficult for me.

I have a party tomorrow for my 30th birthday and I pray this cloud passes over because.

I am over it already.

Need to buy drinks and ice for my party tomorrow. but asides that I think I have everything on lock down.